I know I promised not to post anything on here until I got my shit together, but some things have been bugging me.
Like how I had starting this blog to trace why I am the person I am today and what I am going/trying to do to be a better person. And how this has been misinterpreted by others as being passive-aggressive to other people and how I somehow managed to come across as victimizing myself in the process.
Like how a former friend who thought they were telling me all the things that are apparently were wrong with me was actually pointing out stuff they were doing and who then proceeded to tell me that I was going around in circles and repeating stuff to them because they wouldn’t open their eyes and realize they were doing the same thing (or actually having the flaw themselves and trying to tell me it was my flaw and not theirs). Seriously, if you’re going to have a go at someone over their flaws and they point out that you’re doing the same thing as them or even pointing out that it is YOUR flaw and not THEIRS, don’t get angry or frustrated at them. What did you expect to happen when you start doing something like that? The other person to act happy and be like, ‘Okay, thanks for telling me that. I’ll stop doing that’ in a grateful and appreciative tone and give you a pat on the back for pointing it out? Don’t ask someone to change something about them if you don’t want to be told you’re doing the same thing/s and if you don’t want to change said thing/s.
I am going to sign off. I will be continuing to focus on making myself a better person. Hope you are all well.
I might as well jump on the bandwagon and join in on the end of year reflections, I’ve had an interesting year, what with starting this blog and documenting my job searching efforts, what those efforts have led to and my reflections on them and what I could have done in regards to them. Not only was I documenting my job searching efforts, I was also documenting my personal journey into trying to be a better and nicer person.
When I was about to finish high school, I never thought I would be where I am today. I never thought I would have completed several qualifications by now. I never thought I would be engaged nor did I think I would have moved out of home by now. I never thought I would be talking about wedding planning or starting a family or considering what else is needed for a house besides from the necessities. I never thought I was so inadequate with my people and social skills. I never thought I’d meet someone who would point these inadequacies out and then try to help me straighten them out (despite how bumpy that road has been in the last few years). I never thought starting a blog and documenting all of it was also going to help me with it either.
I never thought I’d be sitting down at my age and reflecting on the kind of person I had been in the past and reflecting on the people I had been friends with and the types of relationships I’ve had in the past. I never thought I would pick away at the details that I could remember about all these things and how those things affected the person I became and how they would affect the person I am trying to become. I never thought I would question my past in so much detail and question the people and relationships that I had during that time. I had always figured I’d get to my thirties, forties or fifties before I started doing this kind of reflecting and wanting to change. I never thought I’d be doing it before the age of twenty-five. I mean, who in my age group does that nowadays before hitting the age of twenty-five?
I haven’t been through major trauma or anything like that that would warrant me to have a really good look at my life, myself and my past. And yet, I know it hasn’t been good. I haven’t always been the greatest friend, the greatest daughter, the greatest sister, the greatest girlfriend or the greatest fiancee. I am most likely never going to be the greatest, but that doesn’t stop me from trying my hardest to be the best that I could possibly be. It may not fit in with other people’s expectations of what they want me to do or what they think that I would do or what they think I should do. I am only in charge of my own life and what I can and can’t do.
I have never thought my life was hard, but I have made other people’s lives hard. I haven’t had the worst life possible. My life pales in comparison to others who have genuinely had led hard and/or horrible and/or sad lives. There are people out there who are worse off than me.
I am not going to give up in trying to make my little part of the world better and trying to make me a better person. I can’t change the whole world by myself and I have no intention of doing so. My own little world is the only one that I am able to change at this point in time,
I hope 2015 brings more joys than sadness and that I continue growing into a better person.