It’s All My Fault

I was told tonight by the employer of the place where I volunteer at that no one wants to work with me and no one bothers to tell me anything because I’m too snappy and I have a bad attitude.

This was after I made a comment about some dishes that were left out and hadn’t been washed by another staff member. I was then informed that the staff member was told by the employer to do it back to me as apparently I have had left dirty dishes out by accident as that was supposed to encourage me not to do it if I get annoyed by someone else doing the same thing. I pointed out how was I supposed to know if no one bothered to tell me about it. I was then told that no one bothered to tell me anything because I was too snappy and didn’t listen and if I had actually listened more and snapped less, people would tell me more things. And then I was told that I blame everyone else for the behaviour when last time I checked, I didn’t.

I had a feeling that I was being ostracized because of the way I’ve been acting and that no one wanted to work with me because of it.

Being constantly told off and lectured angrily about it and being yelled at over it and being left feeling like shit, useless and like I’m a horrible and nasty person isn’t much of an incentive to change the bad behaviour and attitude towards the venue. It’s not much of an incentive to change if I’m being told I’m not getting any better and I’m still horrible and snappy and whatever else I do. All that’s doing is making my self-esteem and self-confidence disappear and making me think that I’ll never, ever change. Which means that I am never, ever going to change.

I don’t know why I bother trying to change or why I bother continue going to the venue when it’s clear no one wants me there, no one wants to work with me and I’m not very good for the place. It’s not like I’m going to change behaviour when I’m working there and if I do change, others attitudes towards me won’t change because they’ll still think I’ll be like I was before changing.


About mypersonallthing

Musings from an unknown Writing about random things, books I'm reading and snippets from my daily life. View all posts by mypersonallthing

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