Scared

The other half wants to have kids. That’s fine by me. But he wants them kind of soon.

To say that I’m a little scared might be a bit of an understatement.

I’m not clucky and I’m not fussed if I have kids or not. I just thought that if I were to have kids, that my partner and I would be in a better financial situation than what we are now since having children is expensive.

I’m not even sure if I’ll be a good mother. I’m scared that I have nothing to teach a child. I’m scared about the changes that’s going to happen to my body and the changes that’s going to happen in mine and the other half’s relationship. I’m scared we don’t have enough money for a child or children.

I don’t think I’m equipped to be a good parent.

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About mypersonallthing

Musings from an unknown Writing about random things, books I'm reading and snippets from my daily life. View all posts by mypersonallthing

8 responses to “Scared

  • ktphillipswrites

    Invaluable advice my precious grandmother gave me years ago, “Baby, if you wait til you can afford kids, you’ll never have them.” So go with your gut. Trust yourself. It’s okay to be scared/nervous, and to be excited. This is a new journey for you and your partner. And we always have something to impart on a child whether we think we do or not. Having children is just as much of a learning from them experience as you are teaching them. It’s really a wonderful thing.

    Like

  • deepbluesandseafoamgreens

    Take his hand and walk. Just keep walking. See where you go x

    Liked by 2 people

  • walkerkaty0

    It’s totally understandable to be scared, but I am sure you will be a great parent and every person has something to teach someone, whether they are a parent or not, so I am positive that you will have a lot to teach your children.

    Like

  • No Virgin Mary

    This is like, the biggest comment ever but.. these are the things I’ve learned:

    1. You’re never ready. Even when you think you’re ready, you realise you’re really f.cking not ready. But secretly? What you don’t even know is that you’ve totally got that shit.

    2. Parenthood makes money a bigger stressor than it was previously, but it also puts spending into perspective, and it’s much easier to stick to only buying essentials that benefit your household, rather than giving in to impulse/personal spending.

    3. Once you’ve given birth, settled in, and started to stare at this tiny human you and your partner have created, you begin to find out what’s important to you – your morals, your beliefs, your passions – I became SUPER feminist after having my daughter – you realise you want to give your child the tools to grow up healthy, physically and mentally, and that gives you something to teach them… how to exist for themselves.

    4. Your body totally does change. For me, I really didn’t notice it *during* pregnancy, I was too busy walking around thinking “look at this belly! dudes, I can’t walk without tripping on my own feet, but holy shit, I can GROW AN ENTIRE HUMAN?!” I noticed the changes *after* I gave birth. Like I suddenly had a paunch in a lower part of my belly than I had previously? And what is this indigestion shit? I thought that would disappear after I gave birth! … but as cliche as it all sounds, once your hormones settle and you no longer burst into tears when you catch your unwashed hair, 3 day old pyjama-clad self in the mirror… you just accept that this new body of yours MADE A FRICKIN HUMAN!

    And then you live in yoga pants for like, months. And eventually, things settle *almost* back into place, and if you’re that way inclined, you could even do some exercise to speed it along (I prefer to go the “whinge constantly but do nothing about it” approach).

    5. Your relationship with your other half *will* change. In millions of ways. You’ll have the honeymoony “oh my god, I’ve never loved him this much in my life” moments, and then once you’re sleep-deprived and he doesn’t get up to your crying child the very instant they cry, you’ll be like “oh my god I have never hated him this much in my entire life”, and you might even resent the amount of time he spends in the toilet, while you’re having to rock a crying baby to sleep… but, in the same way you need to learn to pull your emotions in check around your child, you kind of need to learn to do that for each other, too.

    It’s hard work, trying to balance who you were as a couple, with who you’ve had to become as parents, but whilst also managing to maintain your own personal identities… but it’s worth that fight.

    … Overall, I’ve learned that my biggest struggle has been letting go of my old, selfish, bad behaviour – I hate housework, I hate not being able to put my child’s crying on mute so that I can finish an episode of Orange is the New Black… but that microresentment lasts all of half a second, before I spot her on the video monitor, or I see her learning how to point at things, or clap her hands, and then my resentment turns to wonder, at how absolutely priveleged I am to not only witness, but participate in and guide the process of a human life, evolving, right before my eyes.

    There’s nothing wrong with deciding not to become a parent. For some people, they just know it’s not for them. But if your reservations all come from insecurity as to how well YOU will parent… rest assured, as each day passes, and you and your child get to know each other, it gets easier… the hard bits get smaller, and more spaced apart.

    Best of luck to you and your partner in making your decision!

    Like

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