Every Time

Every time I see your name or your photo on social media, I wonder what I ever saw in you in the first place that made me decide to date you. I mean, neither of you are that great looking.

I guess the first one was because I never had a boyfriend and wanted to see what it was like (I don’t know why I couldn’t go with someone more attractive – maybe they already had girlfriends and I never thought the more attractive ones would be interested in me).

The second one I guess I wanted to see what having a kind of fling but kind of dating but kind of friends with benefits was like with someone who was somewhat average (but you turned out to be a self-centred and self-obsessed liar – I guess some of your traits reflected on the ones my immediate family have).

I’m not sure what made me want to have sex with either of you. Maybe it was just to gain experience. Maybe because I was ready to do that. Maybe it was so I could say I did something during my life as a young adult. Maybe I wanted to experience casual sex before finding someone I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Maybe I could have something to compare anyone else with. Maybe so I could find out what I liked.

I still don’t know why I went with someone who was really just very self-centred and why I went with someone who wasn’t really average looking (and who had a really small strange shaped penis which didn’t change much in size when it was erected – I always thought tall guys had big penises, not little ones).

I question my choices but I don’t regret it. I take it as a learning curve in my finding out what I liked or didn’t like in someone in the opposite sex who I wanted to be in a relationship with.

At least I can look back and can say I picked well with the one I am with at the moment.

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About mypersonallthing

Musings from an unknown Writing about random things, books I'm reading and snippets from my daily life. View all posts by mypersonallthing

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