I may only be in my early twenties, but I still look back on all the things that I’ve done and wonder about what I’ve actually achieved and accomplished.
Sure, I’ve graduated high school and university. Sure, I’ve completed a couple more courses and have more qualifications. Sure, I have a car and a driver’s license. Sure, I’ve moved out of home and have my own house. Sure, I have a fiancee.
Other than that, I haven’t done much else. I’ve basically done all the things most other people have done. But I don’t have a job yet. I’m still on unemployment benefits even though I have been to university to gain a Bachelor’s degree and even though I just completed a certificate three to work in the aged care industry that’s been calling out for workers.
My fiancee has done more things than I have. He’d already completed a trade as a boilermaker and was in the police force by the time he was my age (he’s a fair bit older than me but age doesn’t matter to us). He then went on to do a lot of other things, like changing careers a few times and traveling to different parts of the world and moving away from all his family and friends to start his life afresh after facing tragedy (which is a good thing otherwise he would have been in the same rut still and we would have never met each other).
I am not jealous of that. I know that I’ll most likely change careers over my lifetime. One day I will get to travel overseas (and no ‘Tasmania is overseas’ jokes either – I get enough of them from the other half as he enjoys shit stirring me about being from there originally and yet he come from Britain when he was four). I’m just not in a position to go traveling overseas even though it could be possible if I saved up for it.
I just feel like some of these things that I’ve done are superficial. I know finishing university was an accomplishment as I was ready to quit during the last eighteen months of it because I didn’t get along with one of the lecturers there (who’s a pompous ass by the way and has made fellow students who produced far better work than I cry before).
I guess a lot of my accomplishments are on a more personal level. I’m working on my attitude towards other people and I’m learning how to talk to people in a far better and more productive way.
But it still doesn’t feel like I’ve done much with my life so far. Perhaps I’m too much of a dreamer and not enough of a ‘let’s go do things’ kind of person. Or maybe I haven’t really found what I’m passionate about besides from reading a lot of books and writing.